Twice each year, spring and fall, the house receives an insecticide bath to stave off an incursion of subphylum hexapoda. The lower surfaces and porch are a snap, often serviced with a 5 gallon pump up backpack. It takes only 20 minutes. Unfortunately, the the four large and adjacent three doghouse dormers extend to twenty-five feet above ground level.
Ladders do not reach. Well, the extension ladder does reach, but it weighs 416 lbs… or at least so it seems. Climb out onto the roof through an upstairs bedroom window with the backpack sprayer affixed? I say no. I have a fear of open spaces associated with heights. I have spent a lifetime, maybe two, flying in military and commercial aircraft. I have piloted small planes, but always contained on the inside of a fuselage rather than atop. The point is, maintaining areas of my home that require my person to be elevated twenty-five feet above the ground is a non-starter.
Chuck. Born in 2003…
Chuck is a Craftsman GT5000 garden tractor that was manufactured by Husqvarna. Why termed a garden tractor and not a riding lawn mower? Tires mounted on twelve inch rims, a 25 horse power Kohler engine, a three point hitch, and a raft of ground engaging drag behind and push ahead attachments. Drag behind for landscaping chores, push ahead for snow blower duty. Although after the first twelve years of use the snow blower auger gear case blew up and, with no replacement part available, I was forced to buy a John Deere 1025R tractor, AKA Sparky. Yes, I make many questionable decisions. Anyway…
My contract exterminator was caught cheating on me, July 22, 2011. She began with great promise, killing insects and small mammals from foundation to rooftop, spraying toxin and putting poison in bait traps. Then the relationship faded. She would claim she forgot her ladder and would only treat the foundation, but with promises of catching the second floor “Next time”.
Then, on that fateful day, I watched her get out of her truck with an empty pump sprayer, fill it at an outside faucet, and proceed to walk around spraying the house foundation with pure well water. Jezebel! That explained the house covered in wasps nests and armies of carpenter ants carrying off large sections of porch railing. A parting of ways immediately followed, so the only path forward was DIY.
In the words of Gunnery Sergeant Thomas Highway, “Improvise, adapt, and overcome”
Chuck has seen a great deal of combat, as suggested by the gray duct tape seat repairs, one permanently blinking headlight and one that just stares, and 1/2″ of permanent dirt all over. I cannot find a replacement seat and I cannot find a replacement grill. The latter a long story that began and ended with insufficient braking effort and a young but stout oak tree. That said, Chuck’s functional parts are well maintained.
An off brand 25 gallon spray tank with 1.2 GPM 12 volt pump was acquired. Placed in the little landscape trailer, theoretically it could be pulled around the house and the pump pressure/volume would reach even the roof peaks with insecticide… if I dragged around a lightweight 10 foot folding ladder I could climb to porch roof level.
Load testing, the tank was filled with water, the pump was wired to the tractor’s battery and I pulled forward approximately two feet when both OEM trailer tires lodged an overload complaint by blowing out. Head scratch, head scratch… 8.34 lbs per gallon x 25 gallons = 208.5 lbs. Trailer rated for 120 lbs… yup, makes sense. A pair of heavier duty wheels and tires solved that problem, and only 10 gallons of solution were required to treat the house and outbuildings.
Where the roof peak was 25 feet high, the 1.2 GPM 80 psi pump only reached 24.5′, leaving high altitude wasps’ nest unscathed. So I stood on the top rung of the ladder and stepped onto the porch roof for a bit of increased elevation, a motion that tipped the ladder over. Now, trapped on the porch roof with naturally angry wasps, it was time to man up and climb down.
One would not think the difference in distance between 5′ 7 7/8″ and a 12 foot drop to the ground to be that significant, especially if swinging from extended arms and finger tips grasping at asphalt shingles in desperation, but it is. I do not know what my free fall velocity was at that instance. All I know is that when the event was over, and I regain consciousness, my height was an even 5′ 4″ and my ankles were relocated mid calf. So I Amazoned a 2.5 GPM 80 PSI replacement pump, which extended reach to 27. Eventually my body un-accordioned to its original 5′ 7 7/8″ height.
Bernoulli’s principle? The Epilogue
The only problem with the geyser like flow of highly toxic insecticide is that its course is subject to wind and possibly moon tidal pull. The wind blows southeast up the mountainside as a high velocity – low pressure phenomenon. It flows up the back of the house to the porch’s horizontal roof beam, makes a right turn, follows down the back garage double door, hangs a louie and goes straight up to the rear large dormer. Winds coming from the northwest strike the front of the house where they are redirected in a slalom fashion around and through the three dog house dormers. The air flow slows, pressure builds and collides with the low pressure air at the rear of the house. Shazam! Micro vortex aggression.
Regardless where I position the ladder against the roof, the air flows about both it and me in a tornado like fashion. Consequently, no matter which direction I point the spray wand, I get a face full of 38% Permethrin solution diluted to 0.5%. Sure, it burns my face and stings my eyes, even if it does have a not too bad citrus flavor. Apparently, ingesting a quantity internally does keep the Maine ticks away externally… and I can read in bed in total darkness.
Is a MOPP suit in your future?