I know I have not posted recently. I apologize, but I have been on a research sabbatical. It is this whole poached egg breakfast thing that just spun out of control. I love breakfast. It makes me smile and, as I am sure you are aware, it is the harbinger of the day.

Contrary to published medical research, eggs do not clog my arteries. In fact, when I began a high protein, low carbohydrate and some stir fried veggie diet, I developed the lipid profile of a healthy twelve-year-old.. if that twelve-year-old were encapsulated within a broken down and heavily abused eighty-year-old body.

I cannot eat pizza, bread of any type, fast food, tomatoes, potatoes of any color or appearance, sugar, salt, milk, watermelon, wine, and some types of bottled water. If it’s green or animal protein I am all set. Cannibalism? Iffy. Subsequently, to achieve nutritional satisfaction. each meal must be a masterpiece of whatever edibles are not on the “Do not ingest” list. Meals must also be aesthetically pleasing, rich in flavor and texture and aromatic.

Omelettes are easy. Spontaneity is key to the joys of cooking

Eggs are on breakfast rotation. They run the cycle, then begin again; omelette, cheese-infused scrambled, sunny side up fried, poached. Omelettes are easy. Two eggs beaten smooth, flipped once in a 10.5″ skillet, which yields a perfectly round and uniformly 0.050″ thick planar surface. The substrate is then moved and laid flat on an 11″ plate. Half is covered in American cheese; one slice on center, then one split corner to corner to cover the uncovered egg surface triangle between the central cheese square and the plate.

The uncheesed half of the egg is folded over the cheesed portion to form a D shape… upper not lower case. Then all is placed in the microwave for 42 seconds. This melts the cheese to a creamy state, but causes the melt to be retained within the grasp of the fold. In this interim form, the composite of eggs and cheese is too thin for proper textural consumption, so the half is folded into a quarter circle in a form so perfect I sometimes weep.

While the eggs are in process, a single link of Italian sweet sausage is microwaved in a closed container for 1 min 40 sec. When it bursts inside the container, it coats the sausage, not the inside of the microwave, causing it to brown, but excess oil drains to the bottom of the container. The finished product joins the eggs on the 11″ plate. The sausage is dissected longitudinally with each half cross cut into eight equal segments. The omelette is dissected with a cross hatch pattern into 16 pieces and then each piece of egg is matched to a piece of sausage with each stab of the fork. The order of egg and then sausage on the fork is critical as this balances the texture, moisture and temperature of each bite.

To create the proper ambiance for consumption, I serve myself on a folding TV table, while watching entertaining YouTube videos on a big screen. Nothing is more relaxing than watching the violent arrest of sovereign citizens, the construction of hot rods I could never afford and people consuming vast amounts of food as an occupation. On special days it’s One Hit Wonders of each decade since the 1950s. Ain’t life grand? I never watch the news while eating. Then it’s off to a myriad of tasks and pondering the lunch menu.

The revenge of the machines

Getting a lawn service in Maine is a snap. Post for a service and 20 will answer the call. Of the 20, 19 will bid, but never show up when selected. One will show up, charge as quoted then do little of the work defined. Today in my biannual effort of this type, the service was supposed to clear winter sand from walkways, clear leaves from the yard ten feet into the woods and machine aerate the lawn. He cleared the leaves, did not clear the sand and aerated with a pull behind aerator like the one in my shed.

Nice enough guy who mostly rode past my window on his stand up mower while waving a backpack leaf blower over the lawn. I waved goodbye to him and my $650 billed as yard clean up and aeration. Expensive as a refresher course in human nature, but far less than if I engaged him for the remaining seven projects. That said, the $650 would have purchased season mulch, patching top soil, grass seed and pavers for a garden wall. Oh well, live and I never learn. So it’s back on me and the equipment at my disposal.

So with breakfast in the rear view mirror, the daily rain in Maine finally took a time out, equipment was lined up and serviced. Plugs, oil and air filters, oil changed, fittings greased, and pressure wash. On start up, a tug on the recoil starter atop a Honda engine powered walk-behind mower yielded a recoil starter firmly grasped in my fist and quite separate from the silent mower firmly adhered to the ground. Not even a putt-putt. So I pushed it into the shed and went on to contemplate its 18-year-old salvage value while I backed out the garden tractor with mower deck.

I blasted the tractor down the front walkway, deck down and powered to clear the accumulation of winter sand, then headed for the first strip of lawn. It was then that the tractor’s engine began to surge, its forward motion in perfect synchronization to varying engine speed. 2 mph, 7 mph, 2 mph, 7 mph. With every acceleration, the seat back squeaked under load and my head and shoulders were rudely tossed back. On deceleration, my body was thrown forward onto the steering wheel with my head nearly contacting the tractor’s hood. A ride not unlike a mechanical bull at full speed.

A half-hour of this animated mowing and it dawned on me this was not a workable situation, so I headed back to the garage.  It was a perplexing mechanical malfunction as the tractor is only twenty-three-years-old and it had just been serviced and washed. Air filter off, choke and linkage checked, plug wires on, oil in engine. Gas filter empty. Oops. That didn’t seem right. The engine put up decent vacuum, better than 2.5 in-Hg, so it seemed a bad pump diaphragm was the problem.

Thank you cheap Chinese parts!

The thing with equipment manufactures is that the sum total price of all of the parts is 20x greater the complete product. Additionally, replacement parts are only available for six weeks after the last assembled product has rolled off the assembly line. Planned obsolescence. I’ve learned to not waste my time with OEM sources, so I immediately turn to Amazon.

The rewind starter on the walk-behind, pictured above, cost $12. It plopped right into place and is secured with three easy to access 10mm nuts. It took 10 minutes to R&R the starter and ops check. The impulse fuel pump cost $14, which included the pump, new quality vacuum and supply hose, fuel filter and cut off valve. All somewhat matches to the factory piece. The replacement cost for my seasoned equipment would have been $6,000 and repair shop service would have been $800. Best of all, I could get it all done in time for lunch.